(I wrote this in high school, but for some reason it's better than anything I wrote in college.)

Thank you for your purchase of the Intercorp™ Boxpad™ 650. We hope that you are fully satisfied with your product.


To maximize your Boxpad™ experience, prolong the life of the product, and prevent possible serious injuries, we recommend that you follow these steps carefully.

1. Remove product from box.

The Intercorp™ Boxpad™ 650 is packaged using cutting-edge corrugated-cardboard technology. Carefully remove the tape from the seams of the box using the cutting edges in the cardboard. Remove all of the foam packaging materials, but do not discard them or your warranty may be voided. Locate the power supply, the Boxpad™ unit, the shock-resistant case (if present with your model), and the spigmatic exorption antenna.

2. Assemble shock-resistant case (if present).

The assembly system of the shock-resistant case represents a wonderful time-saving innovation, greatly improving on designs used in previous models. To attach it to the Boxpad™, simply insert tab A into slot B while simultaneously inserting tab C into slot D. Attach point I to point J. Then tighten screw F, align side K with side L, fold flap P along seam Q, insert tab X into slot Y, and solder wire Σ to pin Δ, as shown in Figure 53.7-2, which can be purchased from Intercorp™ Enterprises for 50 Intercredits™ plus shipping and handling.

3. Attach spigmatic exorption antenna to Boxpad™.

The spigmatic exorption antenna is attached to the Boxpad™ by static electricity. To attach it, rub the antenna against a wool garment or latex balloon, then place it on top of the Boxpad™. If, during the operation of the Boxpad™, the spigmatic exorption antenna becomes dislodged in any way, power off the device IMMEDIATELY and repeat these steps to reattach the antenna.

4. Power on the product.

Insert one end of the power supply into the mauve port on the underside of the device, and insert the other end in a standard AC outlet. Do NOT under any circumstances insert the power supply into the lilac port, as this may cause your Boxpad™ to spontaneously combust. After ensuring that the power supply is connected to the mauve port (and not the lilac port), press and hold the chartreuse button for EXACTLY 2.65 seconds. The Boxpad™ should produce a 440-hz pitch upon startup (it may be beneficial to verify this with an oscilloscope) and then boot up.

5. Set up preferences.

Once the Boxpad™ has had time to fully boot up, press the vermillion "Preferences" button on the southeast corner of the device. Follow the instructions to configure the settings on your Boxpad™ however you would like. First-time users are encouraged to set the Entropy Dial to the minimum setting, as well as selecting "Automatically Configure Gravity".


The Intercorp™ Boxpad™ 650 is truly a marvel of modern engineering at its finest. Follow these tips to ensure best results when using it.

1. Avoid touching unlabeled buttons

The exterior of the Boxpad™ has a very wide variety of buttons, switches, and dials on it. First-time users are asked to refrain from interacting with any that are unlabeled, as it may cause highly erratic behavior.

2. Allow product to drain thoroughly after each use

When you have finished using your Boxpad™, loosen the valve on the underside of the product and allow any excess liquids to drain for at least two hours before using it again. Do NOT under any circumstances allow these liquids to come in contact with objects made of copper, plywood, or adamantium.

3. Use cyan button in case of emergency

If any unexpected “problems” arise during the operation of your Boxpad™, press the cyan button twice. This will reboot the system. Please note that following the use of the cyan button, the Boxpad™ may need more time to drain adequately.


My Boxpad™ won’t turn on

Ensure that the power supply is connected firmly to the wall outlet and the lilac port on the underside of the device. If problem persists, press the twelve small silver buttons evenly distributed over the surface of the product and hold simultaneously for 15 to 20 minutes.

My Boxpad™ won’t turn off

Unplug the power supply from the Boxpad™. If problem persists, remove the casing from the underside of the device and cut any exposed wires. If you see sparks while cutting the wires, contact customer support immediately.

My Boxpad™ has become unresponsive

If at any time the Boxpad™ does not respond to user input, this probably means that it believes that the user input is stupid. Try using the Boxpad™ to do something less stupid. Do not question the Boxpad™’s judgment.


Do not operate in direct sunlight. Do not operate in direct moonlight. Do NOT use product in the presence of cats. Do NOT adjust the Entropy Dial during the operation of the product. Do NOT use left index finger to press any buttons, as this will void the warranty. User assumes all risks associated with the use of the Intercorp™ Boxpad™ 650. If product emits smoke, continue operation in a well-ventilated area. If product attempts to inject you with anything, cease use IMMEDIATELY and contact customer support. Do NOT inquire about the purpose of any buttons on the northwest side of the product. Manufactured on equipment that also processes peanuts, eggs, and shellfish. Intercorp™ Enterprises is not responsible for any death, injury, permanent damage to immortal soul, or warpage of spacetime that may result from the use of this project.